Rough Draft

JEFF’S NOTE: THIS IS A STRANGE WAY TO BEGIN.

  • On page 98-105 is when Julia and Lionel are meeting. They are having a nice conversation between them. We can see big changes of Lionel character. JEFF’S NOTE: YOU WERE MEANT TO USE ACTUAL QUOTES.

The dialogue in this scene is so interesting because we can actually see that their conversation began to be so official, JEFF’S NOTE: OFFICIAL? but when we see that it changes to something more sexual. I think this happen because Julia was packing her clothes to leave, but Lionel was there at this moment, so he reacts to this so much that his tics starts to get out of his mouth and on his head it was a lot of what is going on. JEFF’S NOTE: I’M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING YOU.

When she shows a dress to Lionel, he starts to change:

“God, look at this dresses,” she said as she pocked through the rack of hangers. Her voice was suddenly choked. “You see these?”

I nodded.

“They’re worth more than the car service put together.”

“Julia-”

“This isn’t how I dress, really. This isn’t how I look. I don’t even like these dresses.”

“How do you look?”

“You could never imagine. I can barely remember, myself. Before Frank dressed me up.”

“Show me.” (101-102)

Lionel actually understands that he can see something that maybe he will never see and do again in his life. When he saw her breasts his tic started to get out and he said “Doublebreasts”(103). We can actually see that he was surprised of what he saw.

  • The above scene reminds me of the scene with Kimmery. When they were in her apartment. The situation starts to repeat with Julia. There they were talking a lot about Zen teacher, giant and everything else that Lionel was interested in. But they change their conversation again, as with Julia.

“The words.”

“I don’t really need to when you’re touching my hand like that.”

“I like to.”

“Touch?” Touch shoulders, touch penguins, touch Kimmery – who didn’t like to touch? Why shouldn’t she? But this vaguest of questions was all I could manage. I wasn’t only strange to her, I was strange to myself at that moment: tugging, lulled, resistant. Conworried. (219)

Lionel wants to get something more than just talking. He wants to touch her. Later, we see a situation when they are kissing. He explained us how he felt about this. “I didn’t have to turn her face to mine to kiss her. It was already there when I turned. Her lips were small and soft and a little chapped. I’d never before kissed a woman without having had a few drinks. And I’d never kissed a woman who hadn’t a few herself. While I tasted her Kimmery drew circles on my leg with her finger, and I did the same back” (220). Probably, it was his first kiss in his life where he was kissing someone that he loves or at least he was kissing someone that he likes and not some strange drunk woman at the bar.

After, this two situations with Julia and Kimmery we can see that Lionel is really changing with them. He is changing in a way that no one saw him like this before. We can assume that it was his first time when he saw a breasts and his first real kiss. Probably, he expects something more from Julia and Kimmery after all of this. Probably he wants to be in a relationship with them, but we can see that they (Julia and Kimmery) don’t really want to have a relationship with him.

We can see that Lionel changes with them, not just emotional. He starts to be more sexual and have more sexuality in everything that he is doing.

  • I found the dialogue between Lionel and detective not that interesting for the reader but it is funny. It adds some humour to the story and to the situation around them. At that time Lionel was just making fun of the detective, he gave him everything for what he was looking for. And we can also see that the detective doesn’t have enough education and information about Tourette. Yes, not a lot of people know about this, but at least they won’t think the same as he though. Lionel continues their conversation in the way as the detective wants and as detective expects.

“Tourette Is the Shitman!”

“He’s shitman, huh?” the detective apparently thought we were exchanging up-to-the minute street jargon. “Can you take me to him?”

“No, no, ther’s no Tourette,” I said, catching my breath. I felt mad for food, desperate to shake the detective, and choked with imminent tics.

“Don’t worry,” said the detective, talking down to me. “I won’t tell him who gave out his name” (110)

  • We are thinking first that this dialogue is just a normal part of the story as everything else, but is not. This dialogue and this entire situation with the detective showing us that the dialogue is one of the most interesting parts of the novel. Lionel is always in there. His tics always add some special feeling to the reader. It makes reader feel like he is there and with them in the story. The reader is not just following them on the pages, he feels that he is actually there with them, and he actually feel everything what is going on with characters. The dialogue makes the readers worry about the characters and not just this they also makes the reader smile and laugh during the story. For example, the part when Lionel was making fun of the cop. I am sure that the readers were just waiting what Lionel will imagine in the future. He actually gave a cop a person for who he was looking for.

Lionel’s tics add a special felling of the story. He cannot control them and this adds some purity to dialogues and to his character itself. His tics tell the actual true that is on his mind. If he is trying to hide something, he gets so nervous and this makes his tics come out of his mouth.

Lionel is not that stupid as, maybe, we thought at the beginning. He is actually very smart person even if he has a Tourette.

  • During the entire story we don’t know who are Ullman and Bailey. Yes, Lionel use them a lot, especially Bailey, but we never hear about them. Lionel telling us, readers, this at the end of the story. This is a dialogue but just between him and him. JEFF’S NOTE: THIS IS NOT DIALOGUE.  ”Ullman? Never met the guy. Just like Bailey. They were just guys I never happened to meet” (311). So, even Lionel doesn’t know who are they and how they came to his head and does they really exist.
  • Finally, we are reading that Lionel talking to us. “To both of them and to you I say: Put an egg in your shoe, and beat it. Make like a tree, and leave. Tell your story walking” (311). For us it is hard to understand what he actually means by this. Maybe he is pushing us to write our life in the peace of paper and make like a novel. Maybe he thought something else, but we will never know for sure, because we cannot ask him about this.

Karyna Statko

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One thought on “Rough Draft

  1. I edited your text and made some notes above.

    This was meant to be rough, but this is rougher than what I had anticipated. It’s difficult to get a sense of which aspect you’re discussing here, or what you’re trying to say about it. I’d suggest coming to speak to be about this as soon as you can so I can help you with the final draft.

    Like

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